The Essence: Losing Touch
by stakemenow
Summary: The Second in the Essence series. Buffy's gone, and she's after Autum. What happens when the most dangerous being she's ever met has the answer to her greatest problem?
1. Lost

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

LOST (1.02.01)

Giles is having a cup of tea when the phone rings. "Will someone get that? Good Lord, blundering idiots." He knocks over his tea reaching for the phone, "Hello?"

Xander and Willow are at the airport, "Buffy's not here. Well she… No Giles! She… calm down! She used another ticket to get on an earlier flight, is all. Ok? No biggy! Giles! It's not like that! No… of course she trusts you. Well, yeah, she has been… but she was fine at the…good point… but then she… ok, see you then."

Spike wakes up, Buffy's gone. "Buffy? Slayer?" He finds a note on the dresser, "What is it with bleedin' women and their bloody fixation with notes!?"

Spike walks down an alleyway, and turns to see Buffy fighting six vamps. "Need help there, love?"

Buffy continues fighting, "Not from you." She does a back flip and stakes two of the vamps. "How'd you find me?"

"Can always find you. It's the scent. Vanilla, cinnamon, and roses." Buffy stakes another vamp, then twists off another's head. It almost hit's Spike. "Hey! Watch it!"

Buffy stops fighting. "Look, just…" a vamp attacks her full swing. The two remaining vamps beat her down.

"Buffy!" Spike rushes in and snaps one of the vamp's necks. He punches through the other's chest, tearing its heart out. Buffy's unconscious on the ground. Spike picks her up.

Spike puts Buffy in his shower, which he turns on the coldest it goes. "Spike!" The angry Slayer jumps out of the tub and slaps Spike. They stand for a while before Spike nears her.

Lightly wrapping his arm around her he tells her, "Was worried about you."

She pushes him off and decks him in the face. "Get away!"

He throws a towel at her, "FINE!" He slams the door on his way out into the hallway.

Buffy curls up on the bed. She has no where else to go. So she stays.


	2. ReInforming

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

RE-INFORMING (1.02.02)

Angel's talking to Giles on the phone. "Right, I understand." Hangs up. "Gunn, I need you to do a sweep. Buffy's missing here, in LA."

"Two problems with that scenario, one... I have no idea what she looks like. And two... she's dead."

"Not anymore."

"Have Spike do it." Illyria suggests. Over the years she's come to think of Spike as a friend. Someone who you can always rely on. Just then Spike comes storming down the stairs.

"Spike, good. Buffy's missing, she came back again."

"I'm not going out to looks for her if that's what you mean, poofter." Spike snarls at him.

"Just do a quick sweep."

Spike goes back to his room and finds Buffy sitting on his bed. "Thought you'd've left."

"Didn't have anywhere to go."

"Know the feeling." He lights a cigarette, "So, why are you here? Last I heard you were dead again."

"Same to you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't want to make a big deal about it." he shrugs. "That and I didn't want to admit it."

"Admit what?"

"That you didn't need me."

"I do need you. All of you, the whole gang... I just don't think I can handle it all at once." She pauses for a second, "I was sent back by this girl. In a dream, a prophetic one... I'm pretty sure. That's how I knew you were back. And I know you won't want to tell me... but I have to know everything you know about Autum."

Spike's face gets extremely paler. "Autum? She's dead."

"Death apparently doesn't mean as much as it used to, Spike."

"I don't know much about her... Angel probably knows more. Order of Aurelius and all that... She was his Childe, I think. But there's more to it then that. If you really want to know it all... we'll need to wait for everyone to get here. And this group, even with the Scoobies won't be enough to stop her."

"I know at least someone who can help. I haven't seen him in over a decade... but he'll come."

Buffy and Spike go to the hotel lobby.

"Buffy!" Angel says as he hugs her. She stands there, doing nothing.

"I have something to tell you about... Giles, Willow, Xander, Andrew, Faith, and Dawn are coming here. But before they get here I have to tell you guys everything that you need to know. Angel and Spike, possibly even Illyria will have to prepare for the meeting. you're the best sources we have. Two big bads are coming. One goes by the Essence, the other by Autum." Angel gasps, "I know what you're thinking, Angel, but if there's anything I know it's this. She's alive, she's evil, and she'll do whatever it takes to bring me down a notch or two. And if we don't stop her, she'll find a way to rebuild Sunnydale... Hellmouth and all."

Angel puts an arm on her shoulder, "We'll stop her. But what about the Essence?"

"She's bent on destroying the world. She somehow has a relationship to Illyria... I think. She's ending the Slayer line."

"Wasn't that the First's gig?" Spike asks.

"She undid Willow's spell. They all died in battle. Faith and I excluded."


	3. Calling All the Troops

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

CALLING ALL THE TROOPS (1.02.03)

Pike(yes, Pike... not Spike) is carrying his groceries home. When he gets there, a message is waiting for him. He plays it. And as soon as it finishes he's running out the door.

Anne goes into her office, laughing with the people who'd come tonight. The phone rings. Anne answers it and runs out the door.

Gunn's old gang is practicing and they get a call. They run out... all of them.

Giles' cell rings as he, Dawn, Andrew and Faith get off the plane and are met by Willow and Xander. They rush as fast as they can... but have an unexpected delay. The taxi wait.

Back at the Hyperion tension is running high. Buffy and Angel and Spike are all pacing. Pike saunters in the door, "Buffy?" Buffy stops her pacing and goes over to him. She gives him a hello-hug. "What was it you meant by, uh, demons afoot?"

"Vampire, one. No telling if she's a Master Vamp or not."

"Who're these guys?"

"Friends." Spike tells him.

"You do not hangout with the crowd you used to, that's for sure. So, when do we get to hear the hubbub?"

"When everyone else gets here." She leads Pike over to the couch. "So, how you been?"

"Fine... good... fine, mostly."

"You finally got rid of that homeless look."

"Yeah, and I guess you got over the whole cheerleader phase, eh?" He sees Angel get a glass of blood, "And that guy is definitely not human." He stands up nervously.

"It's ok... Spike and Angel are good vampires."

"You shitting me?"

"No, they've both got souls."

Pike goes over and pokes Spike, "Cool."

"Hey, watch the leather." Spike snaps. "Buffy, who is this wanker?"

"Pike, one of my... friends from when I went to Hemery. After I knew about the vamps. He helped me burn down the gym... which is how I got to Sunnydale."

"Good times, wasn't it? I mean, who'd've thought that that jack-ass would've shown up at the dance, eh?"

"Yeah, good times." Buffy laughs, remembering.

Everyone else gets there and they all sit down for the meeting to start. "So, I think we should first introduce ourselves, and why we're here." Buffy suggests. She nods at Pike.

"Who, me?" She nods again, "I'm Pike. Fight demons when I can, and I used to date Buffy almost, what, ten years ago." Buffy rolls her eyes... she didn't want to know how they were related to HER.

"I'm Anne, lately. I met Buffy when she came to LA and she let me keep the name she'd been using. I also know Gunn, he helps out at the shelter. And Angel helped get us money."

"Giles, Buffy's Watcher... new head of the Watcher's Council."

"Willow Rosenburg, Wicca."

"No kidding, really?" Pike asks, amused.

"Yes."

"Xander, goofball extrordinare. Part of the Scooby Gang, who helped Buffy throughout her time in Sunnydale."

"Faith, Slayer number two."

"Andrew, training to be a Watcher... maybe."

"Dawn, sister to Buffy."

"We're the gang... Gunn's old crowd."

"Buffy, Slayer number one."

"Angel, also known as Angelous at times. Vampire. Also Buffy's ex."

"Spike, Slayer of Slayers, William the Bloody. Also a vampire. And also Buffy's ex."

Pike laughs, "You seriously went out with these guys Summers?"

"Riley Finn. Formerly of the Initiative, presently of the Army. Once again... and hopefully for the final time, Buffy's ex."

The woman next to him introduced herself as an after thought, "Sam... his wife."

Connor comes through the door, "Did I miss the fun?" Angel smiles at his son. "Oh, Connor. Angel's son, Born of two vamps... so I've got the strength and stuff. And I brought someone who might be able to help... I hope you don't mind."

He pulls Autum out of the shadows, "Hello, boys. Slayer..."


	4. The Old and the New

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

THE OLD AND THE NEW (1.02.04)

They all look up at her, Pike nods at her, "Who's that chick?"

"Unless I'm mistaken, that's who we're meeting about." Dawn tells him. She always liked Pike... even if he was almost always out of it.

"Oh, nice to meet you. Name's Pike."

"Autum."

"Huh! No shit. Hey, Buffy, it's Autum!"

Connor looks at Autum, "I thought we were meeting about a vampire."

Autum shrugs, "They seem to think I'm a vampire, don't they?"

"You've been around for over 200 years. My experience tells me that you're not exactly human." Buffy tells her.

"Oh, but contraire to popular belief. Don't you remember you're dreams? You're dealing with something much worse then a vampire, ducks." Autum walks out the doors, but pauses when Dawn speaks.

"Buffy... you can't just let her walk out of here."

"But she can, little key. She can and she will."

"She's not a vampire!" Connor yells at them for the thousandth time. He'd gotten her to come back into the meeting until they sorted this out.

"You gonna prove it?" Pike asks him, serious for the first time that night.

"Sure." She strips off her shirt and grabs the Slayer's hand… putting it over her breast. Confusing almost everyone there.

"Oh." Pike gets it, "Heartbeat… does she have one Buff?"

Buffy pulls her hand off of the other woman, "Yeah… but then how did she survive that long? She just can't be human."

"If anything, I'm all too human, love."

'This girl is kinda creepy in a sexy sorta way.' Pike thinks. "How's that?"

"Perfection of the human race is far off… over the millennia, they have changed from the species they once were."

"You saying you've been around forever?"

"Mayhaps aye, mayhaps nay." She winks at him, "Not really in the plan to tell you, ducks."

"You're her." Buffy says. Autum nods in conformation. She lounges back in the seat she's in.

"That it would seem, Slayer. But if you don't mind… keep it between us." Just then Illyria walks in. "Oh, bollix!"

"Grandmother… you came."

"Of course I did. Couldn't miss a meeting like this, now could I?"

"They asked me to tell of you."

"So willing to offer information? Do you not remember the situations of which we were last left?"

"You killed me." Everyone gasps… at least the people who know how old Illyria is.

"You were quite a disappointment. That and you wished to kill my race."

"So you banished mine."

"How else was I to keep control over my dimension… my world?"

"Oh Goddess!!" Willow gasps, "Buffy, she's the Essence, isn't she?!"

"So what if I am?" The group immediately picks up their weapons and points them at her… except Angel, Spike, Connor, and Buffy. "Oh, balls!"


	5. Protector

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

PROTECTOR (1.02.05)

"Look, I'm not some big nasty evil… or what not… I just happen to be a little different."

"You're being different by killing us all?" Faith screams at her.

"Just had to restore the balance, is all, love. Didn't mean anything by it."

"Then she's just gone? She's never coming back?" Willow sobs, tears streaming down her face. Buffy had forgotten… it had been so long. If the Slayers were dying then Kennedy was dead to.

"Will, just calm down."

"Then what's with the peeps?" Faith asks her, putting her weapon down.

"Like I said… more human then you lot… the bases of humanity is a complicated one at that. There's disappointment, satisfaction…" She grins and draws it out, "Sat-is-fac-tion… anger, hate, love, pride, glory, honor, charm, grace, independence. Where did you think that all came from?"

"So, you evil or not?"

"Neither… I'm the balance. Humans aren't simply good or evil… they can change, evolve."

"So how 'bout right now?"

"Depends on how you feel about the Hellmouth."

"Evil, bad… next?"

"If you fight on that side then you're against me. It is needed for the balance… but if you prefer… we can fight." She grins again. Xander isn't sure what to do… so he just throws himself at the bitch. She looks at him and her eyes glow red. He bounces off a force field.

"Ok, ouch!"

Autum ignores him and hisses at the Slayer, "The root of your power lies where, princess? What story did the Watchers tell you? Did they make you think you were special? That you're purpose was for the world's best interest? It is… and the world's best interest is mine, ducks. Why don't you tell her, Smurf?"

Illyria growls at her grandmother, "She's right. The Council is a board of foolish men in ridiculous detective costumes. They didn't create the Slayer… they harnessed it by pushing it back until they needed it. When it best suited them… they undid their spells and released what was already there. The Slayer isn't meant to kill the demons. She does that well enough on her own. The Slayer is the oldest word for 'Protector' to slay meant to 'protect'. You are her bodyguards. She made you of her own blood, so you would share her unnatural union with humanity. You are as filled with humanity as possible… so you seek the farthest thing possible from human and alive. It is the curse she herself lives with. You're to be as equal to her as can be without becoming a threat. But she doesn't control the world… the things that happen to it. She's the enforcement… the messenger. A god in all rights except to be the God. She cannot die however may she wish it. She is bound to the earth of her own creation, unable to leave until the end. The prophecies you've read are incomplete. It isn't her danger that throws the world into peril. It's the world that throws her life into peril. Even when the world is gone, she shall still be. She'll be caught in the vacuum of time and reality shall shift and for an eternity she shall remember the lives of all under her rein… and there is only one way to comeback from all of that. The one way God will not allow."

Pike looks at her, "So what you're sayin' is God exists?"

"One of the many things I said… yes."

"Of course he exists!" Autum rolls her eyes, "How else would holy water and crosses do the trick?"

Buffy asks her one more question, "So, if we let you rebuild the Hellmouth, then what?"

"Then I help you save the world. There's an actual Apocalypse you have to worry about, you know."

"What is it?"

"Wolfram and Hart have had time to regroup. They were only warming up those years ago. They're striking with full force. The senior partners leading the troops. If I take them out… that's all I'm granted to do in the fight. Or I can take out the demon army, and you'll have to deal with them. That's the more dangerous one, though."

"So, the senior partners are able to be hurt by you?"

"No, I can destroy them for good."

Someone runs through the double doors, "Sorry I'm late… what'd I miss?" Oz stands there in his full glory, smiling down at Willow.


	6. Taking Back Time

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

TAKING BACK TIME (1.02.06)

"Oz? Who called Oz?" Willow asks them frantically.

Autum stares at Buffy, "Except it or not, Slayer." Buffy answered by kicking her in the face.

"Does that clear things up for you?"

Autum hisses and rams Buffy into the stair rail behind her. "Not gonna let you take my kitten away." Faith hits her over the head with a cross.

"More than one Slayer here." Autum's eyes glow, then return to normal as she fights the urge. She grabs an axe lying on the table and swings it over her head easily. In one fluid motion she brings it down on Faith's sword. It's metal against metal. Sparks fly as Autum gains the upper hand. She smacks Faith over the head with it. Faith falls to the ground unconscious. As Autum swings the axe down Oz attacks, starting to form into wolf form.

"Look who's all high and mighty now." She snorts. Willow prepares to use a spell on her, but Autum turns to her. Using her power to throw Willow against the wall, she swings her axe over her and into Oz's shoulder.

"OZ!" Willow screams as he falls to the floor whimpering.

"Right, then. Who's next?" Autum shouts, her eyes glistening in her glory. Pike steps forward and punches her, she picks him up by the neck and stabs him with Faith's discarded sword. He screams in pain. He falls to the floor, and the Scoobies attack at full force. Xander tries to hit her over the head with a mace. She breaks his wrist and throws the mace at Giles. They both fall. Buffy was charging at her with a spear. When the Slayer releases it, Autum bends awkwardly and the spear goes through Angel and into Spike, binding the two together. Illyria kicks her and grabs her, Autum throws her up over the ledge of the balcony. Buffy jumps her and snaps her neck. Autum lies on the ground, her neck in an interesting angle. Illyria tries to hurry down the stairs.

"Guess she's not as high and mighty as she thought." The group turns their attentions away from the dead girl. Autum's eyes flutter opened. Her neck resumes its natural shape. She advances in on Buffy. Illyria runs faster.

"No!" They all turn to see Autum standing and Illyria rushing at her. Autum catches Illyria by her arm and flips her. She puts her foot on her head and glares at the group.

"Did you think that would stop me?" Illyria's eyes plead them for help as she starts to cry. A thing she has never done save when she was at the mercy of the Essence.

"What was that about 'my girlfriend isn't evil'?" Spike asks Connor, smacking the back of his head. "Stupid git!"

Autum slams her foot down and through the head, skull, and brain of the mysterious Old One. "You'll never learn, will you?"

Gunn's gang attacks her. In less then three minutes they're all around her, dead. Anne grabs an axe and moves silently behind Autum as she addresses the group. "I really was hoping I wouldn't have to kill anyone. And I didn't harm anybody important in a way that won't heal." As Anne swing the axe over Autum's head, Autum swishes around and grabs her wrist and neck. Riley and Sam attack, she throws a punch that renders them both unconscious. She snaps the girl in half and strides over to Buffy. She hands her a bottle, "This will cure them… use it sparingly." The Slayer is frozen, helpless. Autum grabs her face, smiling. She tilts Buffy's head until she reaches forward and kisses her on her forehead, and then each cheek. "Sleep well, my child." She brushes Buffy's face in almost motherly love, and she's suddenly gone.

Buffy wakes up on the floor. She sees everyone around her and they're all staring at her. "Buffy are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?"

Willow's all flustered, "Well, you kinda fell over when Autum… it was like she felt all protective of you or something. But nobody heard what she said before she left. And the you were all with the unconscious thing."

"She told me to sleep well."

"Anything else?" Spike asks her, looking concerned.

"She called me her child."

Giles wipes his glasses, "Well, I should rather think that if what Illyria said is correct then she would feel some sort of motherly bond to the both of you."

"So she won't kill me?"

"Not necessarily what I meant, Buffy. She has all the instincts in her telling her to take care of her 'children' but considering that some mothers have killed their own… we have no way of telling what kind of relationship she perceives you having."

"Giles, it's weird, but… when she was here… talking to me… I felt… safe, almost. I haven't felt that safe since I was fifteen."

Connor slams the door on the way into his apartment, "What the hell was that about?"

Autum turns to him, "I think I should ask you the same question."

"I was the one who was trying to reason things out. I know you're not evil!"

Autum slams him up against the wall… pinning him there by his throat with her arm, "Are you sure of that, pet? Are you quite sure?"

Connor spins and pins her in the exact same position… holding her wrists down, "Yes, I am." He pushes her against the wall harder and kisses her.

"Do I get a chance to prove you wrong?" she smiles up at him.

He laughs at her, "Baby, I'm badder than you are."

She shoves him, throwing her weight into it. They land on the bed, "Do you need to be punished?" she purrs at him. He garbs her waist and pulls her down into his lap. He flips her over so she's under him and kisses her.

"Do you?" he whispers.

Autum climbs out of her bed, looks at Connor asleep, gets dressed, and leaves.

Spike hears someone knocking at his door when he gets out of the shower. He opens the door and Buffy rushes in, "What do you know about her?"

"About who?" Spike motions for her to sit on the bed, then joins her.

"You know. We need to know, Spike, now more than ever."

Spike sighs, "Quit the fussing. If she isn't a vamp, then you don't need to worry about her."

"But she was being a total bitch!"

"Most women are at least one week out of the month."

Buffy brings a hand to her mouth, she didn't even bother to think about that. Her face twists in confusion, "But then why did she kill all of them?"

"They're better aren't they? Thanks to that handy little potion that she gave you."

Buffy turns and faces him, "Something else she said to me. She said that I couldn't take away her kitten. What does that mean?"

Spike shrugs. He knows exactly what it means, but he's not going to tell her that. "She gambles too much?"

"I don't think so. In that dream I had… whenever she talked about you or Angel she'd say 'my kitten' or 'my little lamb'."

"What of it?"

"We all have to know everything that you and Angel know about her."

"Buffy, it's not that easy."

"What was she to you? And him? I need to know, Spike. If it could effect the way you'll fight against her I need to know so I can pull you out of it."

"And you think that I'd do that!?" Spike shouts in disbelief, "That I'd let the way I feel about something interfere with what I do?"

"I did. Interfere with your work."

"Bloody hell, woman! I didn't follow you for that! I had nothing else I could do after that sodden chip. I adapted… sorry you didn't!"

"I need to know if you can kill her."

"Won't help. Won't do it."

Buffy's shoulders drop, "Spike…"

"It's not that I wouldn't. Buffy, if you actually manage to kill her… you'll end the sodden world. You're supposed to protect it."

"Like SHE does?" Buffy snaps.

"She's not supposed to bloody protect the sodden world! Her sodden job is to protect the bleedin balance!"

"Is the balance all that important to keep?"

"Think about it, love. Power corrupts, get too much and even the good turn rotten. With an evil left to fight it gives the good a reason to exist. Humanity's only gotten so far because there are different kinds of people who believe different things. Evil and good, pet. That's all it is. There are innocents in between that go to whichever side they think can protect hem the best."

"And she's choosing evil?"

"She's making her own side."

"It doesn't look like it from here."

"She won't actually damage anything you need for forever. She'll teach you a lesson. And once it's learned she'll give you back whatever prize she took."

"Is that what you think? That I need a lesson?"

"I think we all do. We've beaten it back better than anyone ever has. We've always found a way to retrieve it, survive it. She's probably just here so we can appreciate things more."

"What makes you say that?"

"You know what kind of human I was before I was turned. But before I met her I was Spike… full on all the way. Obnoxious pig, arrogant son of a bitch. When she "died' she was just following the rules, she wasn't allowed to see me again."

"What about Angel?"

"Angel's the one that failed her… in the middle of his 'lesson' he got turned. She broke the rules and attacked him after he tried, and apparently failed, to sire her."

"How do you know so much?"

"A little bird whispered it in my ear."

"Her?"

"Her, she's got more than just super strength, love. Oh, so much more."

Autum's walking down the street and she turns around the corner. She's standing across the street from the Hyperion. She looks straight ahead of her as she runs across the street. She looks up and closes her eyes. It starts to rain. She laughs as the rain falls, soaking her. She spins around and dances in it.

Angel looks out the window and sees Autum in the rain. He smiles, then becomes worried. He rushes outside.

Autum laughs like a little girl. She loves the rain. It makes her happy.

"Autum?" Angel huddles under a jacket that isn't working. Autum goes silent and slowly moves her head down, twisting it to stare at Angel.

She turns her entire body and walks over to him, arms extended, "My little lamb." Angel pulls away from her and she giggles. But it soon turns to sobs. Angel puts the jacket across her shoulders and pulls her to the Hyperion. He could only hope she hadn't been out there long. The rain was freezing cold. She trips and Angel is starting to get worried about her. He swings her up and carries her to the hotel. She starts to convulse and he sees what's wrong. Autum had at least seven stab wounds and was bleeding profusely from them all. He runs as fast as he can inside. Whether or not she could actually die, it was still painful to watch. 'How many times has she had to go through this?' he wonders.

When they get inside Angel screams out, "Everyone! Someone get Spike and Buffy!"

Buffy and Spike sit in silence until Pike comes in, "Hey, that weird ass bitch is back… I think she's dying!" Buffy rushes out of the room and Spike tries to follow. Pike puts his arm out, "Stay away from her."

"What?"

"I know what you are. A soul doesn't change that. I don't care what Buffy says. You go near her and I'll stake your ass."

"Lucky me then my heart isn't in my arse."

"You know what I mean."

"Give Angel the same speech?"

"Pft, that guy doesn't have a shot with her. Too… boring. He's surrounded in misery. Plus, I think he had something going on with that Autum chick. He's sobbing over her 'body' like a stupid ass hole."

"She's dead already?"

"She can't die! What's the big deal?" Spike runs out of the room as fast as he can.

Angel is over Autum, who's not quite 'dead' yet. Buffy is too. Oddly enough they're both starting to cry. It's very upsetting to watch someone die. Especially if they keep laughing and talking like nothing's wrong. But Autum keeps choking and spitting up blood. Several people have gone out to throw up. Illyria cradles her grandmother's head. Never before has she witnessed he grandmother dying before… and she too cries silently. Spike finally gets down and sees the broken woman on the floor. Her skin is almost translucent, and her eyes are sunken in and hollow. Her lips are turning purple. She already looks worse than death. "Autum?" he whispers.

"I'm fine, ducks… I just need to die before I'll be back to full health. And Peaches won't off me good and proper, so now I have to wait. You don't think you could snap my neck or something, do you?" She looks almost hopeful, and extremely irritated. "Bloody poofters!"

"Sure thing, pet." Spike goes over to her and twists her head until it snaps. They all look at her form as it immediately starts to heal. Autum stands up and looks at them all.

"Can a girl get a drink around here or what?"

Angel pulls Buffy away, "Buffy, do you think we can talk?"

"Sure."

Once they reach his office Angel faces her, "Do you think… are you done baking?"

"I think so."

"And… is the cookie basket for… me?"

"I don't know Angel… I just don't know."

"You want to tack off the list for me?"

"Well, you're still on the list somewhere. Spike's there… and I don't know if anyone else is up there."

"What about Pike?"

"Pike's a sweetheart, but I haven't seen him in over a decade and he hasn't really changed."

"He's the same person?"

"No, his fashion sense is still totally non existing."

"Oh." They laugh. "So it's me, Pike and Spike, then?"

"As far as now? Yeah."

"But I'm still there?"

"Yeah."

"But, why… is Spike there?"

"I told you Angel. Spike has a place in my heart. And I can't ignore that."

"But even with a soul he's still… Spike. He's childish and annoying and…"

"He's only that way around you because you won't let him grow up. Angel… have you ever seen him as anything other than the fledgling he was when Drusilla brought him home?"

"No, he's the exact same idiot he was then!"

"He isn't." Autum staggers into the room.

"Autum, this is a private conversation." Angel tells her.

"You treat people the same as ever, don't you Liam? You'll always treat Buffy like a little girl… because that's what she was when you first saw her. You treated Darla like the lady you thought she was. You treated Dru like a grownup woman. You treated Spike like the bawling boy that ran into you on the street. I won't even begin to tell you what you treated me like."

"Shut up whore!" Angel is surprised at his outburst.

"Exactly. Every single bint you meet you judge. And you never get past the first impression."

Buffy backs away from Angel, shocked that this woman knew him so well. She had known he treated her like a child. And probably always would. But she also knew he loved her.

"You were a pathetic human. An ass to every person you met. The smart ass boy that you met in that alley your first day in Sunnydale is more who he really was."

"I changed."

"The same soul, boy. You can't change all that much. You sit around and feel sorry for yourself and think that everyone should cut you some slack, because you have a soul that torments you. William has a soul too, ducks. What about him? Have you cut him any slack?"

"What does he have to do with this?"

"I get the whole single moment of pure happiness gig. But you can still be happy. Get over it Angel! Be a man for once instead of a sodden child!" Autum storms out.

Buffy follows her out, "Thanks for that."

"He can be a real poofter sometimes, can't he?"

Buffy laughs, "That's what Spike calls him."

"You'll have to choose eventually, you know."

"I do."

"What you going to do, ducks?"

"Not sure."

"If you need to talk, I'll be out in the rain."

"Why?"

"I like the rain. It makes me feel free."

"Can I join you?"

"Sure."

"What do you think about the two of them?"

"It's hard for me to choose. Angel can be like he was back there, but Spike can just get irritating."

"Don't I know it. How was Spike as a human? Before he was all… sappy poet guy?"

"He was Spike. Had an attitude like he owned the world and hell besides. He liked having fun, but he still did as he was told… in a way. Liam was a little bit… bolder. Spent most of his time at the pub. William was… living to be alive. He went back to England in a depression. His mother turned him into a sap. He wasn't always bad at poetry. He had nothing left to write for. His mum didn't care like he thought she did. Sometimes she thought he was insane. He had this fit the night that he left, she going to call people to take him away to an institution. I'm not really sure what happened, but it was the bird that was batty, not him."

"That makes an interesting picture. The bird was batty." They laugh.

"So, will you except my offer?"

"Eh, why not. Kinda missed the Hellmouth. Whenever you need a good fight just hop on up out of bed."

"It'll take a while to rebuild. The main reason is I have a mission to destroy the First."

"The First? You're kidding me right?"

"Oh, no, not at all. You pushed him back, but it's my duty to kill him off for good."

"Him?"

"You don't want to know."

"Should we go inside? They'll probably be worrying by now."

"Of course they are. Come on, Protector. All chosen and mighty powerful Slayer of Vampires."

"Now you just sound like Andrew."

"I doubt that that's a compliment."

"Really not."

"Well, I was speaking in a mock tone."

"That makes all the difference." They reenter the Hyperion.


	7. The Bad and the Worse

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

THE BAD AND THE WORSE (1.02.07)

"You.." Angel comes over to Buffy and Autum, "Get out of my place."

"Why?" Autum asks him.

"You know why."

"Well, I obviously don't."

"Where's Connor."

"Last I checked he was in bed. He was still asleep when I left the house."

"Love, you'd best come clean." Spike says, looking at her as if to break her down.

Autum's face falls, "What happened? Is something wrong?"

"You tell us." Angel glares at her. Autum looks around in panic and runs out of the hotel.

"After her!" Angel roars.

"Angel, that girl wasn't running because she'd guilty." Buffy tells him, grabbing his arm.

"Really? Because she really looked like it!" Angel snaps at her.

"She's terrified!"

"She should be."

"Angel!" Buffy pleads with him, "She was more afraid of your son being hurt then she was anything else."

"Well, I happen to believe she's guilty,."

"Of what?"

Angel ignores her, "Everyone who agrees with me, come on. The rest can stay." Soon Spike and Buffy were the only people left in the lobby.

Autum runs into an alley and looks around. Buffy and Spike come out from behind her. "You'll never find him in time." Buffy tells her quietly.

"I will, I have to." She looks at Buffy. She looks away as she smells the air. "Follow me." She runs and they follow.

Connor's lying on the ground, bleeding from various wounds. A massive demon is standing over him. The demon turns and sees Autum. She grabs it by the throat, "Stay the bloody hell away from my boyfriend, right ducks?" The demon goes up in flames. Autum kneels down at Connor's side, "We have to get him back to the hotel. I can fix him up there."

Autum lays Connor on one of the lobby's couches. As she leans over Connor, Angel and the rest come in.

"Get away from my son." Autum ignores him and picks up a knife. "What're you doing?!" Angel screams in fear for his son. Autum slices her wrist and presses her wound to Connor's lips. The blood flows into his mouth and he starts to drink it. "What are you letting that sick bitch do?" Angel is now frantic. Conner continuously sucks Autum's wrist. Autum finally pulls it away. She runs her finger along it and it seals closed. Connor immediately wakes up, his wounds heal until there aren't even scars left. Autum turns to Angel and slaps him across the face.

"How dare you ever accuse me of this, Liam. You know me far better than that. Or maybe you've forgotten over the centuries. I haven't… I protect the people I care for… same as you. You should never have to worry about him while he's in my hands." She helps Connor stand and looks back at Angel, "Now that we're done with that, I don't suppose you'd mind letting us have a room. His cuts are healed, but the tissue will take some time to work again."

"Spike, if you'd get them two rooms."

"Just the one, kitten." She addresses Spike while she grins at Angel.

"When does this Wolfram and Hart thing go down?" Xander asks them. Him, Willow, Buffy, Spike, Oz, Giles, Autum, and Connor are sitting in Connor and Autum's room.

"In a month or so… maybe longer." Autum tells him.

"Why wait so long?" Buffy asks.

"Really wasn't sure how long it would take to convince you to let me help, pet." Autum says, giving them all her eerie smirk. There's a knock on the door and Autum frowns, "Who is it?"

"Gunn." Autum sighs in relief and opens the door for Gunn, "Sorry I'm late."

"Not to worry, love. Just filling them in on a few things… none which can't be repeated."

"Good." This is it. This is the group that's willing to take on the partners?

"Pike couldn't come." Buffy tells them, "He had to go to his mom's… she's kinda dying, so…"

"This is it, the new gang of Scoobies?" Willow looks at Buffy a little concerned.

"What of Angel?" Autum asks, looking at her hands.

Buffy shakes her head, "We should probably do this without him. He can be… overly sensitive where you're concerned." Autum snorts.

"We should still tell him. As much as he dislikes it, he'll help. The rest are muscle that will follow him."

"She's right you know." Spike says.

"We should probably meet elsewhere, and not tonight. He may get suspicious if you're all here for this long." Connor says.

Gunn nudges him, "Nah, you just want some alone time with your girl." He winks at her. She stares at him.

"How unamusing we all are this evening." She sighs. Gunn's smile drops. "We can have 'alone time' whenever we want." Gunn smiles again and laughs.

"Right, we'll leave you to it then." They start to flood out of the room, Spike stays behind.

"Autum? May I have a moment?"

"Whatever you say, kitten."

"Why didn't we really tell Peaches?"

"Because he'd go and do something drastic. You know him, drama, drama, drama."

"Yeah… could you and the brat not be too loud? My room's right next door."

"Now you're just trying to suffocate me." She teases.

Buffy swallows her breath as she steps out onto the balcony. "Angel?"

Angel looks at her and smiles, "Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" He's suddenly very serious.

"We've decided to accept Autum's help. She's useful for the team… and she did seek us out."

Angel sighs, "Ok."

"Really?"

"Sure, she just got on my nerves I guess. I haven't seen her in so long. I just feel a little upset she didn't tell me."

"I know what you mean"

"Buffy, we all thought it'd be best if you didn't know."

"So you all decided it was for the best, again."

"I told Spike that if he loved you he'd let you go."

"He sure did."

"But you… love him back?"

"I still don't know, GOD! How can I ever figure this out?" Angel leans in and kisses her. "That was easy." He kisses her again, but she pulls away. "What're you doing Angel?"

"So I guess you found out, huh?" Buffy pulls him in and kisses him again… just as Pike comes in with Spike.


	8. Competition

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

COMPITION (1.02.08)

"What the hell are you doing, Buffy?" Pike shouts at her. "He's a fucking vampire!"

"Pike, it's… he's Angel and…" Buffy's lost for words. It felt so right to be with Angel, it always did. But it felt strange, unfamiliar. She notices Spike wordlessly turns around and walks back down the hall, "Spike." She pulls away from Angel and he pulls her back.

"I'll talk to him."

"You?" Buffy's eyes widen, "And what are you going to say, exactly?"

"That you picked me." Angel blinks at her.

"I didn't pick anyone!" Buffy's brought to tears. "I just… I don't know!"

"Then maybe you should get sure, Buffy." Pike whispers in a deadly tone. He pushes past them and slams his door in their faces.

"Oh, god. What have I done?"

"I don't know Buffy… I thought. But you never can make up your mind, can you?"

"Don't start with me Angel!"

"What, I just sit back and watch you do this to yourself? You care too much about everyone, and it's killing you! You don't want to make anyone mad? Well, must be your worst day ever. Right now nobody can stand you."

"Oh, god."

"Your so willing to take it back?"

"What?"

"Oh, yeah, perfect. Just pretend it never happened, is that what you want?"

"No, it's not. But I didn't want it to happen either." She spins on her heals and runs as fast as she can.

Autum and Connor are making out on their bed. "God, your gorgeous." she whispers.

"You're so beautiful…" Connor mumbles as they continue. There's a knock on the door.

"Bloody hell!" Autum swears as she answers the door to Buffy. "Buffy, you alright?"

"Kinda not." The blonde stands there in the hallway, shivering, "Can we talk?" Autum nods.

Spike's making tea in his room. When he goes into the bathroom Connor comes in, "Spike?"

"What can I do for you, Jr?" Spike asks him with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Buffy, I think she's kind of broken."

"How's this my concern? Shouldn't you be chatting up dear old da?"

"She's not doing to hot, and Autum kicked me out of the room so they could 'talk'"

"And she, in return, wanted you to talk to me."

"Right."

"What you going to tell me? It was all a mistake? She didn't mean it? I know she did, he's the only one she ever really loved. I knew she was just sayin' it because we were all gonna die. Still, I held on to that little strand of hope."

"Dad's pissed at her."

"Why? What did she do, bite his tongue?"

"She tried to come after you."

"Sure, likely story." He goes and puts the hot water in the cup with the teabag, "Why would Autum care about her?"

"They've just both gone through the same stuff." Connor goes to leave, "You don't deserve her… none of you do."

"Did you want her for yourself, mate?"

"No, she just deserves better than a vampire or a homeless demon hunter." He leaves.

Spike dumps the tea and grabs a bottle of beer. "Drowning in my sorrows." He looks at the TV, which is playing Leave it to Beaver, "Just you and me, Wally." He watches as Andy comes in and talks to Wally, "Or not."

"Spill." Autum tells her.

"I don't know who to chose. And if I don't… I could lose them both."

"Both? Not all?"

"I don't know Pike very well… it's been ten years, give or take."

"What of he others?"

"They won't accept each other. Spike hates Angel because he's always had his women first. Angel hates Spike for stealing his women."

"You really have no idea how Angel treated William when he was a fledgling."

"No, I don't."

"If you did, you'd know that their hatred goes farther than that." Buffy nods. "If you'd like… I can come up with a test."

"What kind of test?"

"A battle of wits, of arms, of other things to, pet. Set them off on each other. Whomever wins, your heart belongs to. We can bind it so that you'll be able to cope with the loss of the other."

"No, no spell to heal my pain. There won't be any… first blood… that's it."

"It shall be done."

Buffy isn't sure why she's doing it. They'd both agreed to do it. Autum had given her a golden rose to hand to the winner, 'a little THE BACHELOR for me'. The room they were supposed to fight in was the Delphosphatee room… the room of the beckoned. There is a table in the room, that and ancient artifacts that they may use in their fight. "Isn't this a bit… the bachelor?" she finally asks Autum.

Autum shakes her head, "The Bachelor is run by demons… they feed off of love and lust. They stole to rose idea from this spell."

"Oh." Buffy sighed… 'It figures all good TV is possessed now.' She watches as Spike and Angel both enter the room. Neither one is wearing a shirt, 'not so bad after all!'. Angel had lost a lot of weight after the showdown in the alley. Suddenly, a river of something flows in between them. Buffy stares at it in wonder.

"I did have it on good authority that you wished for oil of some kind to be involved?" Autum grins at her as she grins back.

"Life just got a whole lot more interesting."

Angel and Spike watch themselves face off. Autum had told them that this was a test for Buffy, not them. They were watching it through a monitor on the screen. "Wonder what she'll do when one of us dies." Spike states, just putting the idea out there. Autum had programmed the illusion so that Angel's figure would kill Spike's. They'd wait and see what her reaction was… and the hated party would leave for good. 'But there's a possibility she might kill us both' Spike realizes, 'What then?'

Autum knows what she has to do, if Buffy kills whomever wins, she has to turn back time to see if she accepts the other…FLASH!!

Autum looks around at the frozen room. A man in all white comes over to her… "You can't do it that way."

"But, my Lord…"

"I am God here, you are not. The lover that 'dies' will leave. There is no turning back time. If she kills the other, they both leave. Or you will be at my mercy."

"Yes, my Lord." She whispers in fear. He leaves and the world is restored. "I hope she doesn't kill the winner, because I can't sit here and watch it." she whispers in tears.


	9. Golden Rose

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

GOLDEN ROSE (1.02.09)

Buffy watches as Angel and Spike both come to the front of the room and bow at each other. The fight begins. Angel throws the first punch and lands it right in Spike's face. Spike falls over and jumps back up. He lunges at Angel and they both fall under the table. Buffy winces and closes her eyes… she can't watch it. She finally gets the courage to open her eyes as Angel stakes Spike. "NO!" She screams, "You weren't suppose to kill him!" Angel shrugs.

"Do I get my prize?"

Buffy walks over to him and pins him up against the wall… in what looks to her friends like they're going to go at it any second. She kisses him passionately, and holds him there whispering into his ear. "I loved him you son of a bitch." She stakes him right there, spitting in his dust. She collapses in tears.

"Buffy?" Willow asks, concerned. She'd never heard her friend tell anyone that she loved Spike. She'd always said she just couldn't feel that way.

"Do you cry for Angel or Spike, ducks?" Autum asks, cradling the crying Slayer in her arms.

"I don't know," She sobs, "I don't know. I loved them both so much."

Spike stands dumbfounded. She'd killed Angel for killing him. But that still didn't mean she wouldn't want him.

"It doesn't make any sense." Angel growled, he'd been as sure as Spike was that she'd've picked him! He bursts through the door ready to yell at Buffy.


	10. Not Really Here

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

NOT REALLY HERE (1.02.10)

Buffy looks up to see Angel and Spike run through a secret entrance, "What?" She looks at Autum who shrugs.

"I told you I'd help you figure out who you loved… and that they wouldn't be injured."

Buffy looks wide-eyed at Angel, "I didn't… I mean…"

Spike sees the look in her eyes, "Oh, I get it… too good for jolly ol' Spike. Soul's not what it once was… but I'm better for it. Say tata and be on my marry way, then."

Buffy bounces up off the floor and grabs Spike's arm, "No… you can't leave."

"Why not?" Angel asks her.

"Because of the fight."

"And why should I stick around?"

"The fight."

"So neither of us are good enough for you?"

Autum laughs, "Lamb, she thinks the two of you are too good for her… don't you, pet?"

Buffy tries to hide… sink into her surroundings… but there wasn't anywhere in this room that would help.

"Buffy?" Willow asks her, "I mean… I know we haven't talked in over a year… but I've never heard you admit to loving Spike… every time we ask… you just say that you never really loved him… that you were just using him. It doesn't make any sense."

"She told me it once." Spike whispers. They all look at him. "In the Hellmouth… she didn't want to leave. She told me… every time she thinks I'm dead she tells me."

"Spike…"

"Save it Summers… I've heard enough for one night. I'll be… away." He turns out of the room.

Buffy runs after him, "Spike… Spike… William STOP AND LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW!"

Spike turns and looks her in the eye. "What you gonna say now, pet? Too late… tomorrow morning I'm gone."

"But you can't just leave."

"Watch me."

"But… you're the only one who's never given up on me…" Buffy starts to cry. Spike had never left before… he never decided what was best for her… Angel was the one that did that.

"Not givin' up, pet… taking a break. I'd never be able to leave for good… you know that."

"Then why won't you stay now?"

"Because you don't need me anymore… you don't need me in the fight… you've got Angel. He's what you need. You're ready to let me go."

"But I'm not… I meant what I said Spike… in the Hellmouth… back there. I meant it."

"But not as much as you love Angel… I can't compare to him… never could. He's the bloody thorn in my bleedin' thigh. Sod all else if it weren't for you, Buffy. I'd've staked him long ago if I'd've half a chance. He took away Dru… he took away you." Buffy tries to absorb it… but Spike leaves before she looks up.

Buffy walks back into the room without seeing anything. "He's gone… he's… tomorrow. He's leaving."

"Good." Angel says. Buffy sits down in shock.

"Me…. He won't stay… I asked him to, but he won't…" Autum pulls the Slayer up and pulls her out of the room. "Where're we going?"

"Your room… you need to lay down, pet… there's nothing they can do for you."

"How is she?" Angel asks Autum, standing.

"How do you think?"

"And Spike?"

"I'm going to go talk to him before he leaves… wish him a fond farewell."

Angel snorts, "Farewell… sure. I remember your farewells."

Autum's face turns bright red, "If you don't mind, I think I'm the one who remembers more things then you could possibly."

"Like what?"

Autum winks, "Wouldn't be a right show of a lady like me to be telling yah, now would it master Liam?" She does a mock Irish accent and Angel backs off. "There's a good little soldier."

Gunn's watching Autum. 'She's a tough one to figure. Never know what she'll do next' he thinks. The newest leader of his old gang comes over to him, "Gunn, we gonna head outta here. This isn't place for us. What do you say you come?"

Gunn looks at Autum, 'it's not the mission any more' "K… where to and when?"

"Tonight… ninish."

"I'll be there."

Someone screams. Everyone heads upstairs to find Illyria stabbing Autum over and over… Angel calls out to her, "You can't kill her."

"You, half-breed, do not know of our ways." Illyria sneers. Willow and Xander charge at her, she knocks them out with one smooth motion. "Pathetic humans… you don't know real terror… she is what brings it."

"No… but I can heal you…" Autum whispers. Illyria hisses at her and jumps away. Autum's wounds heal and she appears behind Illyria. Illyria turns and Autum grabs her head. "I think I will…"

When Illyria drops to the floor, she's no longer Illyria… she's Fred. Fred lays on the floor, panting as she looks around her, "Where am I?" She squeaks it out.

Autum enters her room… he's there again. "What're you doing here?"

"Maybe I should ask you."

"I'm doing the job I was assigned."

"You were not meant to through Illyria out of the dimension, nor return Winifred Burkle from beyond the ether."

"What you going to do with me then? You can't take away my immortality, nor my rank."

"It seems my trust was misplaced."

"You can't control the people of the world, that's what the fates do. You can only imply what is right. If the world goes to hell… it was meant to."

"I don't care for your attitude, little girl. You do the forbidden and I will have your immortality to show for it."

"Immortality isn't the only thing I have."

"It's not very wise, my dear, to tell the one being that is truly more powerful then yourself that they're wrong. I'll see you again soon."

"Yes father." She answers him as he places a kiss on her forehead. He could take her immortality, she doesn't care about it anymore. The one mistake he made…


	11. Gone

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

GONE (1.02.11)

Buffy knocks on Spike's door. He answers… "Can I come in?"

"Sure." He holds the door opened and she comes in. Autum's sitting on the couch. "Love, could you wait in another room for a second?" Autum nods and goes into his bedroom. "She was just saying goodbye."

"Oh… yeah." Buffy shifts.

"Did you want something?"

"I don't want you to leave."

"I have to."

"Why?"

"Because it's not just me… we'll be back before the big fight and all… Autum asked to come with me. She wants to get out of Slayer central and kick some ass.

Buffy sighs, "Yeah."

"What is it, pet?"

"It's just… there comes a time when we both have to say what's on our minds. To get through it all. To help it all make sense. But there can't just be an answer… if it were that simple I'd know…"

"Know what?"

Buffy looks at him, he nods in understanding. "You don't just have it. You can't just find it. Things….. get complicated and confusing. And you never know if you're right. And if you're wrong… what if it's the end of the world? What happens then? Fall down and just give in? I can't just give up… it hurts too much. But when you hit that point, all you can do is break down and cry…"

"Baby,"

"No, I need to be strong about it. But I can't if you just hand the answers to me on a silver platter. It makes it harder. Why? God, why?"

Spike's silent for a bit. "You're right, I don't think we're supposed to know. We just make do with what we can. But when you finally decide it may all be gone."

"What? With her?"

"I think you just take it for granted, pet. I'm not going to always sit around and wait for you when the other woman I love is right behind those doors," Spike points to the bedroom door, his eyes flashing. "And guess what? I know for a fact that she loves me back. You can wait until the end of the world to make up your mind. You always do."

Time passes slow

Time passes fast

One thing I know

Time doesn't last

Gunn gathers his things and looks at his clock

The dinosaurs died

The bible, it ended

And as for mankind

Who knows where we're headed?

Spike looks up at the hotel and grabs Autum's hand before they leave

We laugh and we cry

At strange passers by

We live and we die

And no one knows why

Buffy watches them leave and sits back down on her bed… finally breaking down

Time keeps on ticking

But one day will stop

And I keep on wishing

That I won't get caught

Willow and Xander and Dawn all run to Buffy's door… she doesn't answer… they listen to her crying… it tares them up that she won't talk to them

Held in suspense

Our fates to decide

Will we pay our penance?

Or have we just lied?

Connor enters his room, expecting Autum… picks up a note and sits on the bed reading it

Plain and simple

It all ends there

We know it does

And still we care

Fred sits alone in a chair… staring out into space… watching the stars

But where is our keeper?

Has he been seen?

Is there a reaper?

To world pass between?

Angel bangs on Buffy's door surrounded by the Scoobies

The clock's counting down

Time's running out

To answer the questions

We can't live without

Giles flips through the pages of a book, "Dear Lord…" He runs to Buffy's room… Angel breaks through the door… the room is empty… a note on the pillow

Time passes slow

Time passes fast

One thing I know

Time doesn't last

**As the song ends, the lead singer looks down… when she looks up, it's Autum in the car next to Spike… driving out of LA.**


End file.
